How many times do I need to remind myself to sllllooowww down? It seems daily. I need to find something to put on the wall in my bedroom so that when I wake up in the morning I remember. Little Miss moves slowly, she "dawdles" as some say. She sees every little thing and spends great amounts of time examining or trying to, as I say "run, run run" or "can you show me where home is" or "we've got to get to the big tree". Why? Why do I do this? Once we get to big tree apparently I need to rush to the next thing.

I blame myself of course but the truth is it's just the way my generation was molded in their early 20's. Ahhh yes, I'm an Xer. At home as a kid there was a lot of free play, we went out in the morning and came home only if injured, called for dinner or the street lights came on. Summers were the best, home with mom, playing with all of the kids in the neighborhood.

So why do I rush my girl? It's a bad habit but a habit that needs to be broken. I need to always remember that once I get to a destination I will just rush to another and none of it is necessary. The truth is that my family does not live a complicated life and we really have no where to rush to.

As I read on a lot of other blogs I need to slow down, embrace the time I have with her, enjoy the blades of grass and make peace with being led around by my beautiful girl.

After all, we have no where to be but together.

Little Miss and I spend a lot of time at "Big Tree". This tree near our home has become a marker for us, we walk to the tree almost every evening and she looks for it. "Big Tree gone" she'll say when it hasn't appeared on the horizon yet. Last night we walked to big tree and my beautiful girl wore a sundress and her pink snow boots with a green barrette in her hair. I stopped in the field as she looked at the jet streams and waved to the birds and told the breeze "bye-bye" and I tried to etch every second in my memory. How could I ever forget these beautiful moments. I want to keep them forever because I know soon enough these moments will be gone, she will never be this age again. Turquoise dresses with pink snow boots will no longer be in fashion someday. My beautiful girl will be gone and so I drink every moment in. I sometimes wish I had 10 kids so I could keep having these moments over and over again.

My Girl

Oh, I love my girl so much. She's been down with a nasty cold but this evening she had that "I'm getting better" energy. We went for a walk and came home to blow bubbles. Watching her is pure fascination, she looks at everything through eyes of wonder and so intently. She is so unashamed, she stares until she figures it out or decides if she likes the person or not. She is so bossy (hopefully she'll outgrow that). She tells dogs that bark (anywhere) "hush doggie" and is so serious. She tells us to MOVE and then quietly adds please. She is funny and bossy and wonderful. She is a light. We are so lucky to have her in our life. She saved me for sure.

I am finally adjusting (after almost 2 years, don't let anyone tell you postpartom depression lasts a short time) and I could not be more thrilled to be a mom. My perspective has shifted, I used to think I was a part-time worker and a mostly at home mom. My work was my job...now I've figured out that my girl is my job. There is no job for me except taking care of my family. The part-time work I do is money and that's it. Every moment with my family is a moment to treasure. I want to thank Sarah at Clover Lane and Rhonda at Down---to---Earth for their encouraging posts.

Mostly I would like to thank my mom for being the kind of mom that all moms should be: encouraging;kind;live by example;hug;care;nurture;pouring on the love when needed and so much more! She was there at school for the Mother's Club, she was a room mother, she dressed as a clown. She "babied" us, you know by staying near us, doing her best to guard our innocence, not working so she could be home and do all the great SAHM stuff, etc.
Mom didn't work which meant no extra car, no extra money, even food stamps for a while but until the mean kids at school started making fun of my lack of Guess jeans or Keds shoes or whatever the trend was I would have never thought that I went without anything (truth be told we didn't). Grandma and Grandpa (living nearby as all of our family did) helped out as much as they could.

And I survived...happily.

A Wake-Up Story from Healthy Child Healthy World on Vimeo.

Unschooling

Like most people I never had much reason to think about the education system in this country until we had Little Miss. The Chief and I both have a very negative view of "education" in our area. We've both been in private and public schools and we agree with neither system. He had a lot of trouble in school, he was misdiagnosed with learning disabilities, had other disabilities that weren't diagnosed, embarrassed, bullied and generally abused. I was bored, so bored that I spent my high school years getting in trouble instead of getting an education and since I didn't make waves at school no one ever said a word. There was never discussion about the fact that I wasn't living up to my potential or that I should skip a grade or start taking college level courses. There are a lot of other things I could go on about, but I'll stop here for now.
The truth is that our girl is very smart and wonderful and funny and beautiful and I don't trust her education in the hands of an underpaid, overworked, annoyed test teacher (because that's what they do now...teach testing). My husband is not totally sold on the idea yet but we've had discussions about our lack of faith in the current system. We want our girl to keep her sense of wonder, to explore her world, to be confident and to keep herself (most of all this). She is a learner by nature (all kids are), she craves knowledge and I think that makes her a prime candidate to unschool. Now, to convince my husband...

People Don't Eat Food Anymore

As I perused the office fridge this morning I came to the realization that people don't eat food anymore. It would seem that we eat "food". The freezer is chocked full of frozen entrees. Leftovers are a rare sight in the fridge. I have been cooking at home more (to the point of even putting a menu on the fridge) and I have my leftovers which are so much more filling than anything in that freezer.

The state of our food in this country is quite terrifying. I just watched Food Inc. for the first time and I love that it's just the facts. I spoke to several people about the film and all had the same reaction, they don't want to watch the film because they are afraid they will feel compelled to give up their favorite foods.

For me, the film gave a lot of information that I already knew but had sort of stored away. I feel especially sensitive toward the farmers for all they have been through. I haven't made any radical changes but slowly I am definitely heading in what I consider to be a healthier direction. Slow food is definitely the way to go. I hope that eventually I will be baking my own bread, making my own yogurt and harvesting from my own garden. As a new mom I have learned that this takes time and trying to do things all at once just means things will not be done properly and I will be frustrated (and possibly quit altogether). So one step at a time.

The Girl Effect

So, today I came across this awesome video about "The Girl Effect" which is touching and amazing. I am so impressed with the video and the fact that people realize that changing a young girl’s life can change the world.

When you nurture a young girl, you nurture her future children, her neighbors, her parents, her children's children and on and on. While this video is about girls all over the world, I think we could start in our own backyard.

Is there a girl in your life who is in need? In need of love, nurturing, a hot meal, shoes without holes, a skirt that fits? Show the love, help that girl.
We could also try being kind to all girls and women. We should show the way, a path of love and kindness for our future generation. It's time that women and girls stop looking at each other as competition and start looking at each other and thinking, "How can I help her?".

There was a time when women helped each other survive, if one had food she shared with another, they watched each others children after school and helped mend clothes or tend gardens. The point is that they worked together for a better community. I think that the loss of the sense of community among women has been a serious detriment to our society.

I think we could just start with kindness.