UgghhhhhArrrrggghhhh Really?

I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. My husband was laid off in May and now my part-time job (10-15 hours per week) that sustained us has reorganized. They would like me to work 30 hours a week. I can't I just can't. When asked if I would like to pick up "a few" hours I thought maybe so but now I want to barf.

I don't want to lose the few hours I do work but I have a picture of the most beautiful girl in the world on my desk and I just can't let her grow up with other people. I love our days at the zoo when all of the other kids are in school, our interesting nature walks and our days with no plans at all.

I am feeling an extreme amount of pressure with Chief out of work. I also feel sick that I will alienate people in a place that I intend to return to work full-time someday. So trust me folks, I know how hard it can be to stay home as much as possible.

I would like to thank Clover Lane for reminding me "What Not to Regret". I have referred to that post time and time again. I can only hope that it will not cause any difficulties for me in the future. If it does, I'm sure I'll survive...after all, no one gets out of life alive.

I am Not a Guinea Pig-Healthy Child Healthy World

Yoga for Toddlers

Last night I attended a Yoga for Toddlers workshop. Little Miss is a super active lady and she already loves doing some yoga poses. I have to say that I loved the class. I loved the whole concept of the non-profit studio. The work that this person does is amazing. Working in inner city schools, with children with disabilites, with hyperactive children, etc. She obtains grants and does amazing work. I think I have found something amazing, something I may like to do. I truly believe that Gandhi was correct when he said "If we wish to create lasting peace, we must start with the children". I have been searching for something that would fill my desire for holistic living, be a business but also benefit society (through community service) and help children. I love it! Not only that but there is no location for this in our area, the nearest location is the place I went to last night and it is over 25 miles away. I am so excited!

How to Simplify Give Away

Head on over to How to Simplify to take a chance to win a Calphalon tube pan and Calphalon bakeware set. While you're there grab up her yummy pound cake recipe. Good luck!

All I Can Do Is Write About It

This song reminds me about what is important, it takes me right back to the country with my relatives. I'm really feeling it right now. My crochet is coming along nicely, I'll post some photos soon.

All I Can Do Is Write About It
Lynyrd Skynyrd

Well this life that I've lead has took me everywhere
There ain't no place I ain't never gone
But its kind of like the saying that you heard so many times
Well there just ain't no place like home
Did you ever see a she-gator protect her young
Or a fish in a river swimming free
Did you ever see the beauty of the hills of Carolina
Or the sweetness of the grass in Tennessee
And Lord I can't make any changes
All I can do is write 'em in a song I can see the concrete slowly creepin'
Lord take me and mine before that comes

Do you like to see a mountain stream a-flowin'
Do you like to see a youngun with his dog
Did you ever stop to think about, well, the air your breathin'
Well you better listen to my song
And Lord I can't make any changes
All I can do is write 'em in a song
I can see the concrete slowly creepin'
Lord take me and mine before that comes

I'm not tryin' to put down no big cities
But the things they write about us is just a bore
Well you can take a boy out of ol' Dixieland
But you'll never take ol' Dixie from a boy
And Lord I can't make any changes
All I can do is write 'em in a song
I can see the concrete slowly creepin'
Lord take me and mine before that comes
'Cause I can see the concrete slowly creepin'
Lord take me and mine before that comes

Daycare

As I went through my big list of blogs this morning I found this picture that immediately broke my heart at Natural Papa . I don't think a bigger statement could be made about children in daycare. It just strengthens my resolve to spend as much time as possible with my daughter. Financially things are pretty stressful, I work constantly to save the family money and pay off our debt. I just always need to remember that the most important thing isn't our house or our car or even the bills, it's my girl. She is the best thing I've ever done (I tell her all the time). She saved my life. She rocks my world. Chief and Little Miss are my everything and my world. No job could ever justify losing that. Life is short, it's about the journey.

Long Day

Today was a long day.

We bought new sand equipment and headed for the park. At the park Little Miss went down the big curvy slide alone for the very first time.

When Chief got home I went for a nice long walk and as soon as I walked across the street, Little Miss grabbed my hand for a walk, waved bye to daddy and took me out on an adventure. We went to big tree of course and then walked around the field. We made a bouquet of dandelions and LM found a "big tree" (branch) that we had to drag home.

When we got home we made flax muffins and then headed to the yard to dig for worms for our wormery. Worm digging was great fun. We played with the worms and the dirt for at least an hour.

And now she sleeps...

How many times do I need to remind myself to sllllooowww down? It seems daily. I need to find something to put on the wall in my bedroom so that when I wake up in the morning I remember. Little Miss moves slowly, she "dawdles" as some say. She sees every little thing and spends great amounts of time examining or trying to, as I say "run, run run" or "can you show me where home is" or "we've got to get to the big tree". Why? Why do I do this? Once we get to big tree apparently I need to rush to the next thing.

I blame myself of course but the truth is it's just the way my generation was molded in their early 20's. Ahhh yes, I'm an Xer. At home as a kid there was a lot of free play, we went out in the morning and came home only if injured, called for dinner or the street lights came on. Summers were the best, home with mom, playing with all of the kids in the neighborhood.

So why do I rush my girl? It's a bad habit but a habit that needs to be broken. I need to always remember that once I get to a destination I will just rush to another and none of it is necessary. The truth is that my family does not live a complicated life and we really have no where to rush to.

As I read on a lot of other blogs I need to slow down, embrace the time I have with her, enjoy the blades of grass and make peace with being led around by my beautiful girl.

After all, we have no where to be but together.

Little Miss and I spend a lot of time at "Big Tree". This tree near our home has become a marker for us, we walk to the tree almost every evening and she looks for it. "Big Tree gone" she'll say when it hasn't appeared on the horizon yet. Last night we walked to big tree and my beautiful girl wore a sundress and her pink snow boots with a green barrette in her hair. I stopped in the field as she looked at the jet streams and waved to the birds and told the breeze "bye-bye" and I tried to etch every second in my memory. How could I ever forget these beautiful moments. I want to keep them forever because I know soon enough these moments will be gone, she will never be this age again. Turquoise dresses with pink snow boots will no longer be in fashion someday. My beautiful girl will be gone and so I drink every moment in. I sometimes wish I had 10 kids so I could keep having these moments over and over again.

My Girl

Oh, I love my girl so much. She's been down with a nasty cold but this evening she had that "I'm getting better" energy. We went for a walk and came home to blow bubbles. Watching her is pure fascination, she looks at everything through eyes of wonder and so intently. She is so unashamed, she stares until she figures it out or decides if she likes the person or not. She is so bossy (hopefully she'll outgrow that). She tells dogs that bark (anywhere) "hush doggie" and is so serious. She tells us to MOVE and then quietly adds please. She is funny and bossy and wonderful. She is a light. We are so lucky to have her in our life. She saved me for sure.

I am finally adjusting (after almost 2 years, don't let anyone tell you postpartom depression lasts a short time) and I could not be more thrilled to be a mom. My perspective has shifted, I used to think I was a part-time worker and a mostly at home mom. My work was my job...now I've figured out that my girl is my job. There is no job for me except taking care of my family. The part-time work I do is money and that's it. Every moment with my family is a moment to treasure. I want to thank Sarah at Clover Lane and Rhonda at Down---to---Earth for their encouraging posts.

Mostly I would like to thank my mom for being the kind of mom that all moms should be: encouraging;kind;live by example;hug;care;nurture;pouring on the love when needed and so much more! She was there at school for the Mother's Club, she was a room mother, she dressed as a clown. She "babied" us, you know by staying near us, doing her best to guard our innocence, not working so she could be home and do all the great SAHM stuff, etc.
Mom didn't work which meant no extra car, no extra money, even food stamps for a while but until the mean kids at school started making fun of my lack of Guess jeans or Keds shoes or whatever the trend was I would have never thought that I went without anything (truth be told we didn't). Grandma and Grandpa (living nearby as all of our family did) helped out as much as they could.

And I survived...happily.

A Wake-Up Story from Healthy Child Healthy World on Vimeo.

Unschooling

Like most people I never had much reason to think about the education system in this country until we had Little Miss. The Chief and I both have a very negative view of "education" in our area. We've both been in private and public schools and we agree with neither system. He had a lot of trouble in school, he was misdiagnosed with learning disabilities, had other disabilities that weren't diagnosed, embarrassed, bullied and generally abused. I was bored, so bored that I spent my high school years getting in trouble instead of getting an education and since I didn't make waves at school no one ever said a word. There was never discussion about the fact that I wasn't living up to my potential or that I should skip a grade or start taking college level courses. There are a lot of other things I could go on about, but I'll stop here for now.
The truth is that our girl is very smart and wonderful and funny and beautiful and I don't trust her education in the hands of an underpaid, overworked, annoyed test teacher (because that's what they do now...teach testing). My husband is not totally sold on the idea yet but we've had discussions about our lack of faith in the current system. We want our girl to keep her sense of wonder, to explore her world, to be confident and to keep herself (most of all this). She is a learner by nature (all kids are), she craves knowledge and I think that makes her a prime candidate to unschool. Now, to convince my husband...

People Don't Eat Food Anymore

As I perused the office fridge this morning I came to the realization that people don't eat food anymore. It would seem that we eat "food". The freezer is chocked full of frozen entrees. Leftovers are a rare sight in the fridge. I have been cooking at home more (to the point of even putting a menu on the fridge) and I have my leftovers which are so much more filling than anything in that freezer.

The state of our food in this country is quite terrifying. I just watched Food Inc. for the first time and I love that it's just the facts. I spoke to several people about the film and all had the same reaction, they don't want to watch the film because they are afraid they will feel compelled to give up their favorite foods.

For me, the film gave a lot of information that I already knew but had sort of stored away. I feel especially sensitive toward the farmers for all they have been through. I haven't made any radical changes but slowly I am definitely heading in what I consider to be a healthier direction. Slow food is definitely the way to go. I hope that eventually I will be baking my own bread, making my own yogurt and harvesting from my own garden. As a new mom I have learned that this takes time and trying to do things all at once just means things will not be done properly and I will be frustrated (and possibly quit altogether). So one step at a time.

The Girl Effect

So, today I came across this awesome video about "The Girl Effect" which is touching and amazing. I am so impressed with the video and the fact that people realize that changing a young girl’s life can change the world.

When you nurture a young girl, you nurture her future children, her neighbors, her parents, her children's children and on and on. While this video is about girls all over the world, I think we could start in our own backyard.

Is there a girl in your life who is in need? In need of love, nurturing, a hot meal, shoes without holes, a skirt that fits? Show the love, help that girl.
We could also try being kind to all girls and women. We should show the way, a path of love and kindness for our future generation. It's time that women and girls stop looking at each other as competition and start looking at each other and thinking, "How can I help her?".

There was a time when women helped each other survive, if one had food she shared with another, they watched each others children after school and helped mend clothes or tend gardens. The point is that they worked together for a better community. I think that the loss of the sense of community among women has been a serious detriment to our society.

I think we could just start with kindness.