Schooling

Pros vs. Cons

Catholic School Cons
1. I don't believe in organized relgion
2. I am pro choice
3. I am pro gay marriage
4. I believe everyone should live and let live
5. I believe everyone has a right to their opinion
6. I believe Jesus was a man
7. I believe the bible is a load of ancient crap
8. I believe in evolution



Catholic School Pros (not many but they're biggies)
1. Good solid education (the schools here are failing).
2. Rhythm and discipline
3. Safer


Public School Cons
1. Failing the kids
2. Unsafe
3. Bad teachers (locally)
4. No funding
5. Testing (all the time)
6. No sense of community

Public School Pros
1. Secular (but maybe not depending on the teacher)


Homeschool Pros
1. Open discussion and freedom to create opinion
2. Intelligent child learning at a rate that is appropriate
3. Kindness and integrity
4. No one knows or cares about my kids like I do
5.

Homeschool Cons
1. Transitioning them to see me as a "teacher"
2. Discipline and structure
3. Time constraints

Old Fashioned Values

Having kids really makes me think about the old fashioned values I learned from my parents and extended family as a child.

Don't interrupt

Always give up your seat for someone older, less able bodied or pregnant

Hold the door to make sure no one is behind you

Say excuse me

Use rules pertaining to right of way

Eat at the table

Don't use foul language

Use proper grammar

Invite everyone to play

If you have something for one you should have it for all

The guest gets the toy

If you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all

Respect adults and address them properly

And on and on...

Where did all of these values go? Were they terrible in some way that I don't know about? Why aren't we still practicing these things? I hope my children will see these things in me and put them in practice. For the sake of humankind I hope other mamas do the same.

Everything Changes

Life is fluid, things can change at an alarming rate.

I have been holding onto a friendship that was dead long ago. I tried to make this friendship work. My daughter and her daughter are best friends. I love her family and her kids. She has definitely been there for me in times of trouble. She has probably created more trouble than she has kept me out of. She and I had a history, we were friends shortly before I was married. She became invaluable during wedding planning.

When I was ready to get pregnant and struggled she suddenly popped up pregnant (despite the fact that she had repeatedly told me she was never having any children). When I finally became pregnant a few months after her we were pregnant together. We both had daughters and the girls love each other very much.

Later she told me that she never wanted her daughter. The poor girl was healthy but grossly underweight. She didn't want to keep buying formula so at 8 months she put the girl on milk (2%). She scoffed at my newbie parenting practices of family sleeping, holding my child while she cried, feeding my daughter formula until 15 months, making food for my daughter and so much more. She laughed knowing that if I had more children I would through experience know that all of these things were stupid.

Yet she was always there, every time I called, every time I needed her she showed up.

As her daughter got older she started scolding her, spanking her, being (IMHO) demeaning. Children do not have a voice in her home and their needs do not come before her own. I don't spank, demean or scold my daughter. Of course she said I would raise a brat. I would pay for being so soft.

And yet she was there when my husband acted stupid or I needed someone to drink with or the kids were making me nuts and I had no one else to be around.

Her daughter is sick all of the time and so my daughter gets sick almost every time they play together. Her daughter didn't want mommy to bring her to gymnastics (possibly because she smacked her in the face the first night of class). Her "bad" daughter was so well behaved when she was with me. She drank milk at my house, sometimes 4 glasses a visit. I could never deny her because her mother had stopped buying more than one gallon a week (it was too expensive). She of course spared no expense on Coach purses and shoes.

She wanted us over all of the time. She made herself available no matter what. In the middle of the night when a child had to go to the ER. When I was sick...whenever.

I talked to other friends and posed the question: Can you be friends with someone who is so different than you? Can you be friends if you have no values in common? If you're different parents? No matter what?

And the more I parented and learned (about parenting) and grew, the more I questioned our friendship. How could I dump someone who was always there? Loyal to me to a fault.

She stole money from her mother (recently diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease). Her husband told my daughter she was "a brat", told her to "stop being bad" and believe it or not, called her a "poop stain".

I took notice, this could not be allowed. No one would speak to my children this way. Could they be forgiven? I mean they just don't know any better, right? Right??????

Toxicity. I spent 8 years in a terribly toxic love relationship. I learned from that what I would never again put up with in a partner. What the hell was I thinking? How did I let myself stay in this toxic relationship? I did it again but this time with a friend.

So today I told her that our friendship was ending. It's been ending for quite a while. I knew her reaction would be horrific. She lost it, her temper flared, she cried, she told me I had broken our daughters hearts.

And I felt...nothing. I felt so little that I almost feel badly that I feel nothing. There were moments of relief. I realized that our paths should have parted sooner. We no longer brought anything to the table for each other. She has no integrity or values. I don't respect her parenting or decision making.

I want to be around people who are headed in a similar direction. People who want to do new fun things and learn and grow. I want my children to be around those people too.

Your friends should make you want to be a better person.
Your friends should have at least similar values.

Most of all, you should want to be with your friend and if you don't, you should let her go.

A List of Things I love and or find important

Teaching my children naturally
never squashing their curiosity
forming a close family bond
spending as much time as a family as we can
having great adventures with our family
loving each other
being respectful of each other
learning about animals
making the planet a healthier place
learning empathy
learning self-respect
reading
fitness
fun
gardening
learning about nature
being as self-sufficient as possible
crafting
making home remedies
using natural products
having outside time daily
learning about a lot of things
keep a simple home
learn the lost arts of homemaking
Teach our children to take control of their lives
let the kids choose religion (if they do)
Do not make sheep of our family
keep our lives small so we can enjoy more
teach our children that people are more important than traditions


Our future

1. I am not a religious person, I would say I am a humanist
2. I love my country and my freedom
3. I believe all people are equal, period.
4. I love my family
5. I love traditions
6. I love experiencing new things
7. I love cooking and homemaking
8. I no longer feel the need to retain friendships that do not lift me up but instead keep me "in the trenches"
9. I don't have to please anyone but myself
10. My opinions are as important as the options of others.
11. I am still a kind person even if I assert my rights
12. I don't have to have things to be happy
13. I need to be healthy and fit.
14. My marriage is lasting and important
15. I make healthy home cooked food for my family
16. We no longer eat processed food
17. We love our life!!!

Reflections

This weekend was very busy with family events and even some time out for Mama. After reflecting on the weekend I've come to some realizations that I feel I must share.

Saturday night my husband had a great handle on the kids and suggested I go out to see friends. I met up with some old friends and spent time at a local bar with them. It was like they were frozen in time. They were still the same old people, doing the same things over and over again. Frozen in some kind of drunken cycle with no real direction or goal in mind. These women are now in their 40's and they have not made any changes for the better. They have the same problems, same addictions and same stand still lives. They didn't have anything new to tell me and they didn't really want to hear about what I've been up to. This was a kick in the butt moment, will I be like them? Will I still be sitting in the same spot 5 years from now having not made a single change? When I look back 5 years ago I still had the same goals I have now...because I haven't acheived any of them. I haven't made any of the changes I've desired for years. So if I don't get moving I will be those women. I will be frozen in time with no real direction. The twenties disappeared, my thirties are flying by and time is flying away from me.

Another fun tidbit about the weekend, a close friend confided in me some things that pretty much make me think she is about as awful a person as she can be. I shouldn't be surprised, this woman has shown me who she is time and again. She is broken and insecure and a lifelong addict (one thing or another). We were friends before I had children, spending our time in bars or hopping from one party to the next. When I had my children everything (EVERYTHING) changed. I see this person in a whole new light, the light that eminates from my children. She is a bad influence, she is a terrible mother and she is married to a bully.

It's time for me to clean house. It's hard to take out the trash when you don't really have anyone new to rely on. But I suppose new people (who support me and have similar views about life) can't come into my life if I don't make room for them right?

Peace.Love.Freedom.Happiness.

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.

~Oscar Wilde, The Soul of Man Under Socialism

Is it me???

Some days I just don't know...yesterday I had a lively discussion with a friend about schooling and the value of standardized testing. I could not believe that an intelligent mother in this day and age doesn't understand the problems with standardized testing. She blabbed on and on about how important the testing is to find out if the kids are learning or not. We discussed other things about school and how kids are often times either way ahead or behind their peers and the additional stress this causes (boredom for the advanced kids and frustration for the kids who are a little "behind"). She didn't get the idea that schooling is not child or family friendly. She also did not understand why someone would homeschool when schools are provided and spewed out a lot of untrue things about homeschooling in our area. I let her blab on and corrected her a couple of times when I could get a word in edge wise. She is a very overbearing person as a whole so I didn't bother getting into detail with her.

How do people not know these things? Why don't they think about these things? Why don't people question the system?

Tonight I managed to finish a pair of Big Butt Baby Pants for Little Chief. Can I tell you how much I love the Big Butt Baby Pants pattern from Made by Rae? Suffice it to say, I love it! Little Chief has three pair of pants now and I have already cut out pieces for more!!! He loves them too, they are so comfy.

I also made by first pillowcase dress for Little Miss, it was so fun that I'm sure it won't be the last.

Tonight I have decided to answer 20 Questions for a New Year’s Eve Reflection as written by Tsh Oxenreider

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

I gave birth to the Little Chief in May

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

The most challenging was adapting to having two children, each with their own set of
needs and wants.

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

I found joy in my home, I really came into my own as far as homemaking and accomplishing
goals for our nest.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

There are always unexpected obstacles, this year I found that caring for two children and
letting go of my expectations for things was probably the biggest. Also, my husband was laid
off right before Christmas (with no timeline on returning to work).

5. Pick three words to describe 2011.

accomplishment, growth, change

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2011 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).

change, learning, crafty

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2011 (again, without asking).

unlucky, parenting, work

8. What were the best books you read this year?
With two little ones it's hard to read. I managed to work through a lot of Feeding the Whole
Family and The Rhythm of Family


9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

I consider all of my relationships valuable.

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

My biggest personal change was moving into adulthood for good and realizing that what I want and need for my family is the most important thing.

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?
I'll have to think about this one.

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?

I came to terms with my adult version of spirituality and let go of expectations that friends
and family have. It's okay that I don't believe what everyone else believes.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?
Unfortunately I grew in weight.

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?

I have learned to communicate with other people on their emotional level and to let them
know that I may not understand their current emotion but that I will stand right beside them while they work through it (as opposed to trying to "fix").

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Honestly, the most enjoyable part of my work is that when times are slow I get to surf the net and check my fave blogs (don't tell).

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

The most challenging work was at home (where I take my work seriously). Trying to be the best mama and wife possible and sometimes forgetting what is most important.

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

Computer time (by far)

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

Crafting, canning and spending time with family

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?

Our little family is perfect for us and we have everything we need.

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2011 for you.

The Year of Family Adjustments

Moods

Ahhh, moods...often uncontrollable and usually undesireable (at least if anyone is taking the time to notice). I started in a funk on New Years Eve and have been somewhere between grumpy and angry ever since. I've taken more vitamins and I've been drinking more water which seems to help but not quite enough. I have snapped at my children, flipped off other drivers and just generally been unkind. What does one do when it feels as if the moods have taken over her will. I want to be peaceful and happy. I want to be an uber-understanding super mama who doesn't care that it takes 3 hours to get ready to leave the house (with a 3 year old and a 7 mo old). My patience is thin and time seems so short. I don't want to miss one moment with my children and now I find myself rushing them, telling them to move along and hurrying them through every moment that should have been enjoyed.

I need to take back these moments and find something inside to help.

I'm planning to participate in the 10 day family re-charge. If you're reading this I hope you consider it too!