This weekend was very busy with family events and even some time out for Mama. After reflecting on the weekend I've come to some realizations that I feel I must share.
Saturday night my husband had a great handle on the kids and suggested I go out to see friends. I met up with some old friends and spent time at a local bar with them. It was like they were frozen in time. They were still the same old people, doing the same things over and over again. Frozen in some kind of drunken cycle with no real direction or goal in mind. These women are now in their 40's and they have not made any changes for the better. They have the same problems, same addictions and same stand still lives. They didn't have anything new to tell me and they didn't really want to hear about what I've been up to. This was a kick in the butt moment, will I be like them? Will I still be sitting in the same spot 5 years from now having not made a single change? When I look back 5 years ago I still had the same goals I have now...because I haven't acheived any of them. I haven't made any of the changes I've desired for years. So if I don't get moving I will be those women. I will be frozen in time with no real direction. The twenties disappeared, my thirties are flying by and time is flying away from me.
Another fun tidbit about the weekend, a close friend confided in me some things that pretty much make me think she is about as awful a person as she can be. I shouldn't be surprised, this woman has shown me who she is time and again. She is broken and insecure and a lifelong addict (one thing or another). We were friends before I had children, spending our time in bars or hopping from one party to the next. When I had my children everything (EVERYTHING) changed. I see this person in a whole new light, the light that eminates from my children. She is a bad influence, she is a terrible mother and she is married to a bully.
It's time for me to clean house. It's hard to take out the trash when you don't really have anyone new to rely on. But I suppose new people (who support me and have similar views about life) can't come into my life if I don't make room for them right?
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
~Oscar Wilde, The Soul of Man Under Socialism